Adam (spaj) wrote,

Thhe silmarillion

So I remember very vividly reading the Silmarillion when I was like 15, and had a massive boner for LOTR.  And I was bitterly bitterly disappointed.  It was confusing, slow, and basically not a novel - it was a history.

Very confusing.  So, I'm reading it again. To help me remember what the hell's going on (my elvish is pretty poor) I'm going to summarise bits and bobs here.


So, in the beginning There was super-god (Iluvatar) and supergod was bored, so he made a choir of normal gods (Ainar, or Valar) to sing for him.  The normal gods were pretty stupid, but they sang him a song.  One of the gods was a dick (Melkor) and basically decided to sing his own songs, because he wanted to be incharge.  The other stupid gods got a bit confused, and sang along with Melkor instead of singing the original tunes. 

Anyway, the sing-song turned out to have been about the world, and actually they were singing about the future, but they were too dumb to know it.

Then Super-god made the world, and put the gods on the world, and said "sort this dump out, I'm going to put some new things on it, they'll be kickass.  Probably Elves or something."

So, Melkor, and 14 other gods went to the earth, and sorted the place out.  There were 7 dude gods, and 7 chick gods, and they sorta did somekinda keys-in-the-bowl deal, so that every dude god clove as unto one flesh with the chick gods.  Okay, the god cast gets confusing, so:

Manwe - wind dude, with Varda, star-layd
Aule - making things dude, with Yavanna
Namo (Mandos) - dead dude, with Vaire, rip off of the fates
Lorien (Irmo), dream master, with este the healer
Tulkas Astaldo, foghter, and Nessa, deer fucker
Orome, hunter and Vana, flower lady

Nienna (alone) emo goth chick
Ulmo - water dude, with no one (his friendly hand)

And obviously Melkor, the bad guy.  Oddly, Nienna and Ulmo are obviously too ugly one for the other. 

Okay, So basically these 14 dudes are all busy making the earth, and Melkor's wandering round fucking up everything else, and none of them think "Hey, I know, 14 gods vs one, why doesn't someone kick him in the balls!?"

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